Friday, March 02, 2007

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

It is hard to watch couples break up. Even harder when it is your own kid. Son19 and his girlfriend of about a year called it quits this week. Actually, she called it quits.

Oh, she still wanted to be friends. Heck, she was even willing to get together now and then to 'cuddle'. But she just wasn't wanting to "deal with a relationship".

It is tough as a parent to watch your kid hurt. To watch this big kid break down and cry as his heart was breaking. To know that there is nothing to say or do that will really make it better. To see him go through the past couple of days in a zombie-like shuffle from sadness and lack of sleep.

Oh sure, we reassured him that she would regret it. She'll realize she dumped a good guy. We even joked that we would send her a bill for all the meals we fed her. He smiled. But he was just being polite.

And his friends stepped up. Taking him out for coffee. Going out to dinner. Not letting him spend too much sitting alone and thinking.

But he still hurts. And when he hurts, we hurt. Being a parent is a lot of hard work. But sometimes the hardest work is when you can't do anything at all.

30 comments:

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I am so sorry to hear this Em. If it was a girl I'd reccomend chocolate, a good cry, and one of the following: Stupid comedy movies, Ella Fitzgerald, a good book, or pampering yourself with long bubble baths. I have no idea how you guys nurse a wounded heart (although I have heard strip clubs mentioned before).

Big Brother said...

How true Em. They may grow up and become adults but they still stay your kids and when they are hurt, you hurt. The problem is, when they were small you could kiss it better, now all you can do is be there for them and give them some TLC.

Trish said...

I'm taking notes here...I have boys and so far no heart breaks yet but I'm not sure I would know what to do if/when it happens. Poor guy. And poor you to have to see that and not be able to take the hurt away. It was so easy when they were young and an ice-cream cone would fix everything.

Melody said...

Your poor son. What to do eh? Being a parent is such a hard job... And how right 'big brother' is with his comment. I know when I hurt, my parents still hurt.

L.A. Daddy said...

I don't even want to think about it. Mine is almost 3 but I'm hoping that she's the heartbreaker and not the other way around. Of course, I'll probably take of her boyfriends who visit the house aside and "remind" him that he belongs to her until she is finished with him.

mist1 said...

Have your son call me. I'm really good at helping men get over women.

Was that too inappropriate?

Mr. Althouse said...

Oh yes! Been there and done that. It's such a helpless feeling. I have a 17 year-old, 19 year-old and an almost 23 year-old - all boys and all have been dumped. It's no fun, and I remember passing through it myself.

It'll be ok, she dumped a great guy!

Michele says so,

Mike

Oh, The Joys said...

I am way far behind you in the experience realm, but just wanted to say that it sounds hard.

Jocelyn said...

Okay, I just want to call up your son's friends and thank them for doing what friends should be doing.

I guess the only solace for you, the parent, is knowing that going through this pain is an important part of his growing up. I mean, don't we all feel that our break-ups are essential parts of carving us into the people we've become?

thethinker said...

I'm so sorry. I've never gone through a breakup so I can't really empathize, but in time he'll get through it.

kismet said...

They think they will never love again. In fact they feel their lives are changed forever and in a way that is true. We all remember our first heartbreak :(


I'm sorry your child is going thru it now.


~K!

carli said...

Hopefully you'll just support him through this and he'll be able to let go and move on. Other fish in the sea and all. He's young, he has time to explore his options and find the true love of his life.

Rainbow dreams said...

Being a parent is hard, I know I feel things so much for my kids, and I'd almost rather bear the pain myself than see them go through it.
We're not there just yet with girls, just toying with the idea still....!
Sure she dumped a good guy, but there are plenty of wonderful girls waiting for the good guy too

Redneck Mommy said...

I'm a few years behind you and I dread this rite of passage...

And Em, just so you know, this post brought back a miserable reminder of when I was that age and got dumped and broken hearted for the first real time.

Ouch. Thankfully, I recovered.

Tell your boy there is a hot woman sending him hugs. But not dirty hugs. Just appropriate mom-like hugs.

I wouldn't want the authorities knocking on my door.

Chickie said...

This is one of the things that I'm dreading about the boys growing up.

That really stinks for your boy.

Bardouble29 said...

I remember the first time my step daughter got her heart broke, we cried together! We ate chocolate and watched sappy movies and went shopping. It was a really hard time!

tkkerouac said...

A broken heart is one of the hardest things anyone from any age will experience. And as a parent, we would do anything to protect our children from pain, very hard to watch. Keep him busy.

Carmi said...

You write to eloquently about the challenges of parenthood. You've done your best, and someday he'll read this and know what a great parent you are.

You're right: she doesn't know what she's giving up. Her loss. He deserves better, and now he's free to find it.

MamaLee said...

I'm sorry to hear about a broken heart. Just because we all live thru it, doesn't make it any easier.

I have a few years before I hit this stage - NOT looking forward to seeing my babies sad.

May said...

I am sorry for him. Don't know what to say except that apparently she wasn't "the right one". Perhaps it will work out as friends.

MarmiteToasty said...

hey - yep it sure hurts when ya kids hurt..... my oldest lad (22) broke up with his live in girlfriend after a 5 year relationship (last 2 years living together)- not only did he loose his girlfriend, whom was like a daughter to me, he lost his job (he worked for her father) he also lost his flat cos he couldnt afford to keep it going alone, and had to move back home here..... its hard to hold sodding lad when he stands way taller LOL.... times like these are when I wish there was a 'father figure' about the place..... oh well, with 4 sons I sure it aint gonna be the first broken heart lol.....

x

Em said...

Thank you for all your support! You guys are great..even Redneck with her non-hot hugs! :)

And many of you express worry cause your kids aren't quite this old yet. Trust me, there are great things about teenagers. Just like with little ones. But there are hurts too...just like with the little guys. Being a parent doesn't really get easy...it changes how it is hard.

Meander said...

oh i am so sorry...that must be so hard for you to witness. i guess i have this to look forward to...my oldest son is 12 and just now becoming more interested in girls.

radioactive girl said...

I am so sad for him and for you! I can't imagine how that feels as a parent, although I am sure I will know soon enough!

Chicky Pea said...

As parents we would love to take all the hurt from our chilren and endure it ourselves. Unfortunately there are lessons to be learned from the hurt. Not to mention, he is so young, this is most likely for the best even if it doesn't seem like it now.

Teena said...

It's never easy getting your heart broken. He needs some time and space to get over it.

Marie said...

Poor Son! There's someone out there very special for him... Reading this gives me chills, because I know that we'll go through this as parents too. My son is only 3 though... so much yet to come!

velvet girl said...

Break-ups are the worst. Hopefully I'll never have to deal with that again, but I don't look forward to watching my sons go through it. At least your son has excellent friends.

-velvet

Wizened Wizard said...

Of course he won't realize it for some time, but when he does meet the love of his life, it will occur to him how lucky he is to have "lost" this one.

It's true that there's nothing harder than being unable to help your child when he or she is hurting. I'm sorry.

Baron Ectar said...

I want my kids to stop dating now .....