An Artist Retires

Yes, my friends, the world is a slightly duller place this morning. One of our great artists has put away his tools and decided to move in a different direction. I know, it wasn't on the news. You didn't hear anything about it on Entertainment Tonight. And that is why I'm bringing this news to you now.

Which artist, you ask? Son20. That's right, Son20 has stepped away from his work.

For the past two years, Son20 has been employed as a Sandwich Artist. What's that, you ask? (You are very smart and ask such good questions!) A Sandwich Artist is what our local Subway sandwich shops call their employees. Not just employees. And certainly not fast food employees. Oh no. They are artists!

Now you may be asking yourself - since you ask so many intelligent questions - where is the art in making a sandwich? Don't you just scoop on a couple of meatballs, lay on a slice of cheese, and call it a meatball grinder?

Heavens, you would be so wrong! Son20 (then a mere Son of 18) spent two days just learning how to slice the bread correctly. Splitting it to the same depth every time without ever cutting all the way through...and doing it with speed. There was the prep work - learning to stack the deli slices and chopped veggies in such a way as to allow for quick and precise access when the demands of sandwich artistry were at their greatest. There was learning to use the oven to toast each sandwich to the desired degree. So many skills to master.

But the night crew stepped it up. Just learning those skills weren't enough to satisfy the title of Sandwich Artist. Oh no. They mastered The Toss. This required them to step away from the bread once it was sliced and flip the deli meats from a distance, having each slice land, in the folded position, in the proper place on the sandwich. Then there was The Squirt. This required them to apply the correct amount of mayo, mustard, or whatever dressing the customer liked while writing their names with the dressing. Longer names meant faster writing and thinner lines...shorter names required a bolder stroke.

It was all the basic talents combined with these extra artistic measures that really elevated them to the level of Sandwich Artists. They were Cirque du Soliel of the sandwich universe. Blue Man Group in Chicken Ranch with Bacon t-shirts. The Beatles of the...oh...enough huh? Okay.

I'm sure the sandwich world won't suffer for too long. While it was Son20's final night, I'm quite certain that hundreds of new Sandwich Artists around the world were working their virgin night shift. And they will learn. But for now, at least, they are doing the sandwich equivalent of paint-by-numbers while Son20 was creating masterpieces.