Thursday, January 25, 2007

Enhance: to further improve the quality of

Just like you, my e-mail gets a selection of spam every day. I get the offers to earn money in my spare time. I learn that I've been pre-approved for literally hundreds of credit cards and mortgages. The experts have chosen me, out of all the deserving people in the world, to share their secrets of making money by owning real estate. And the list goes on. And on. And on. But today I got one with the subject line - #1 in male enhancement.

Excellent! Cause I don't want to mess around with #2! Let's get the best there is!

Now I'll admit, I get these all the time. And I've never actually opened and read one of these e-mails. They could be talking about enhancing my hair so it will never turn gray and never fall out. Perhaps they have a product to enhance my smile. Maybe they can enhance my eyes so much that I won't need glasses! Or maybe they are peddling roids and I can bulk up from head to toe.

But I doubt it.

I am pretty sure they are focusing on my...other part. And it just makes me laugh and hit the Delete button. But then I get another. And another. And eventually, I start to wonder if they are trying to tell me something! I mean, continued offers to 'become a real man' start to make a guy feel like...well...do they know something I don't?

Thankfully I've lived long enough to be pretty comfortable with who I am. So I can just enjoy the silly attempts to get me to read their mail. And this week I got the best one ever. An e-mail with this subject showed up in my box...

Enhance your male sausage!

That was funny enough it almost made me open their mail.

Almost.

33 comments:

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

LOL! I get those too. I find it strange as hell considering I'm a woman.

bardouble29 said...

I get several a day, I just click the spam button...

They rank up with my love of chain emails.

"Sausage" is a great catch line though!!!!

Dirk_Star said...

Dude, I've only got four inches and I'm damned proud to have that.

Besides, I've met plenty of women who seem to like it that wide...

Oh yeah, I'm back!

That Chick Over There said...

I totally get those all the time too and I feel like sending those nice people a copy of Kindegarten Cop in which the five year old says, "Boys have a penis, Girls have a vagina!" Because, yeah. I get it.

Dorky Dad said...

I think it's funny when my wife gets these e-mails.

Of course, when these ads first started coming out in newspapers years ago in the prehistoric preinternet days, I thought they were funny.

Now they're annoying.

Jazz said...

Your male sausage? Bwaahahaha

I get tons of those too. Annoying as hell. I wonder who actually clicks the link and buys the penis enhancer..

Thomas said...

I laugh every time I have to go work my mother's computer.

She is 70 years old and she has an inbox full of "Male Enhancement" emails.

I need to start noticing if she reads them or not

tv

Winston said...

When you've had your share of laughs from these, you really should check into getting a good spam filter. None of them are perfect, but they help keep the crap out of your inbox.

Until we got her trained a bit better, my 80-something mom-in-law was replying to every one that came in, seriously advising them she was a woman and they should have been able to tell that from her name in her email address, and asking them to remove her from their mailing lists. Of course, that just brought more of the sausage type spam. She still doesn't understand...

Dave said...

I often wonder who would actually open these and send away for more info ... Maybe the guys on roids? Shrink them and then regrow them... Can't have it both ways! You'd think that they would just get off the roids and save money on the sausage growing info! One day they will get it straight!

Mustang said...

those mails can sure be a pain...

but some of the mails sound so downright sympathetic that you just want to laugh out loud.

D

Em said...

Glad to know the women get those too. Guess you could share them with your partner...if your partner is male. But gee, that would surely be ego-deflating, huh! Here hon, I got this info for you.....

Winston, I had to laugh that your mom so carefully responded to these folks! That's too funny.

Dave, you make a good point. Maybe this is the anti-roid?

And Dirk...what can I say. Four inches......wide. Hmmmmmm

Beth said...

that is so funny!!! Do they make a pill or something that will actually do that? Just wonderin is all.....

Jill said...

Lately I'm mostly getting exclusive stock tips. I guess they've given up on trying to enhance my "maleness."

Steven Novak said...

Can oyu forward me the male sausage email? ;)

Steve~

Trish said...

Hahaha...sausage? What, are they trying to target 7th graders or something?

Too funny!

Sausage..heh

T. said...

I've been getting those too!

At first I wondered if it was just a redneck thing, why else would they sent them to a woman?

And then I started figuring maybe they were helpful little marriage hints...But my Boo's pickle doesn't need any sausage enhancement.

I'm curious though...if they could help the sausage out, do you think they have anything for flat chested chickies?

abbynormal said...

"Sausage" huh? There's a new angle.

Yeah, I get these offers all the time too. What are they trying to tell ME?!

creative-type dad said...

Man, those things are crazy.

That picture is even crazier

Teena said...

I get these all the time too. Um ... okay.

Dee-leet!

Melody said...

We get those type of SPAMS here too! They are oh-so annoying but most of them go straight into my 'delete box' without entering my 'inbox'. Penis enhancers always seem to slip through into my inbox though. Pardon the pun.

May said...

If that type of spam can serve to make men more attentive to their performance (and remind people in general that sex is an important side of their life), well, I hope it continues to be sent.

Em said...

Melody - I love your..uhhh...pun!

May - my guess is when someone is that concerned about the appearance, they are the ones who are least concerned about performance. They might just think that a giant rocket is all they need to make women happy. Just my guess...

kenju said...

I really needed a good laugh tonight - and you sure gave it to me, Em! We get those all the time, along with offers for low-rate mortgages and how to find romance (I'm long past tht stage of life...LOL)

Michele sent me.

Becky68 said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only female getting those messages too. I've spent hours trying to figure out what, about my email address suggests I'm male! Here from Micheles.

Rose said...

I too get those emails and I have nothing to enhance. lol I keep getting the diet ones. I'm getting a complex. lol

cyndy said...

Hey thanks for stopping by my awol site! ha
I get those too and I don't need to enhance any sausage....hahahah
I love the ones that say my "bank xxx" needs me and I don't even BANK there! Silly spammers

Jocelyn said...

That picture is great.

And I can't believe how much I'm laughing over Dirk_Star's comment.

Very funny yourself, Em!

Wendz said...

Well I certainly hope I never meet Dirk - man that is scary! ;)

Kati said...

LOL I get those also, also wondering the same as Whim. And then I wonder why, karmically, I get these as I happen to like my DH just as he is. Even if he wanted to use something, I'd tell him that he makes me darn happy being just as he is naturally.

Yep, also check-mark & spam-button them.

Attila The Mom said...

:::snarf:::

Meander said...

does the sausage come with condiments? lol i mostly get the ones for viagra.

Marie said...

My hotmail account gets bombarded by that type of e-mail. So glad they increased my e-mail storage capacity... more Spam than ever can fit in the inbox now! Oy.

Baron Ectar said...

Isnt it amazing how many strangers worry about our bodies?! Guess maybe I should start reading them - maybe they are onto something that I am not onto - gee now I am worried - thanks man!