Friday, April 25, 2008

Slowly coming back...

Well when I wrote my last post, I had no idea it would be 59 days before I sat down to write again. But before I even attempt to bring you up to date, I must start with some gratitude. So many of you have been so awesome while I've been absent from the blogosphere. Some of you have continued to leave comments now and then. Others have sent e-mail. Kati and Winston and May and Lisa and Joanne and Darren and Whimsical and Wizard and so many more. In most cases, I didn't write back. But that doesn't mean I didn't love hearing from you. Your brief words lifted me up on many occasions. And I thank you.

So...what happened? Well, my family went through a very tough time in December when my niece died in the sledding accident. I wrote about that. And we pushed through and tried to have a good Christmas. And it felt as if we were just getting our feet under us when my mom passed away in February. And that was pretty much when I stopped.

As an only child and the only immediate family member still around, I've had to step up and try to deal with every aspect of her life now that she is gone. There has been a maze of lawyers and financial folks as we tried to piece together things in a timely way to do tax returns for us and for her. And I think my last post about the piles of papers probably clued you in to the fact that she was not the most organized about things...so pulling together important papers has proven more difficult than I ever imagined.

And then there is her home. Her things. Eighty-three years of living. And we've tried to cope with that. I've traveled to GA twice for a week at a time...and my wife has been there for a week in between my trips. And I never realized how difficult it could be to go through someone else's stuff. I could sort and pack things in my house. Cause I know what I have. I know where it is. But there, everything is a matter of discovery and then deciding what to do with it. Some things we want. Some things we don't want. Do we donate it? Tag sale it? Trash it? So far some of all three have taken place. But it is really hard to let it go. Things I totally have no desire to own are still difficult to get rid of. My mom or my dad wanted those things. They bought them. Saved them. These things had meaning and value to them. And it feels callous to just get rid of them. But that is what must be done.

And you would think all that would be enough. But that isn't the end of the story. I just recently returned from my last trip to GA...and the day I flew home, when I arrived home, I got the call that my aunt in GA had passed away. This was the aunt who basically raised me while both my parents worked full time. I had seen her recently. Talked with her. Knew she was not doing well. But didn't realize just how fragile she was. And the timing of it...just as I arrived home...made it impossible for me to turn right around and travel back to GA again. I'm out of days to take off from work. I'm exhausted from the travel. I'm emotionally spent. So the best I could muster was to send flowers.

It is enough. Three deaths. Dealing with an estate - small but seriously unorganized. Time away from my own family. We are all tired, physically and emotionally.

And that is why I've not written. I had nothing to offer other than just bemoaning the current state of affairs in my life. And it would have been just too easy for me to sink into self pity.

But little by little, at work, with my family, and now here...I'm starting to reclaim what feels like a normal life. We still have a house to sell in GA (and gee, isn't the housing market just dandy?!?!). We still have the actual move to deal with in terms of getting what we want from GA to CT. But I'm starting to feel like we are gonna get through it and move on with life.

And some days, when I wasn't so sure about our ability to move on, your words would pop up and cheer me up. Thank you.

It is good to be back...even it may be somewhat sporadic for a while before I get back to my usual routine of visiting your blogs and writing my own. But hey, sporadic is better than nothing!

18 comments:

Star said...

What a nice surprise to "see" you this morning. I am glad you are on the up swing. I know from my experiences that online friends can offer great spport. WHen you look back on all of this one day, you will be amazed at yourself andd your wn strength.

Ruth Dynamite said...

So happy I checked in with you today, but terribly sorry for your losses. So tragic and a triple whammy to boot. I'll be thinking of you and your family.

furiousBall said...

good to see you back, baby steps

barefoot gardener said...

I am so glad to see you back. Things just have to get better for you after all this.

meno said...

It's nice to hear from you again. These kind of stories are the ones that encourage me to throw some of my stuff out.

Welcome back.

Anette said...

I was just checking in on your blog early today. Glad to see your're Ok. even if you've had a tough time! Loosing loved ones is very hard

Anette said...

I was just checking in on your blog early today. Glad to see your're Ok. even if you've had a tough time! Loosing loved ones is very hard

Kati said...

Gads!!!! That's a lot to have to deal with over such a short amount of time. Of course it's not news about your niece or your mom's passings, but your aunt as well.... And all the pain of weeding and disposing of the things your parents kept.... I'm sorry to hear that you've been so emotionally & physically overwhealmed and I hope that things get back to 'normal' now. (Yeah, as if "normal" really exists! *wink*)

Anyway, I do hope you find somebody who wants & can afford your mom's house. I can understand the headache that this is probably giving you. My dad's in the process of selling his (after our family's owned it for 23 years) and weeding through the accumulated crap from 5 people and that long. I cannot imagine how much more you've had to deal with.

Anyway, best wishes in getting the house sold and getting the rest of your parents' "estate" cleaned up. You & yours continue to be in my thoughts as you get back to your daily lives.

VioletSky said...

I had only just discovered your blog and was meticulously getting to know you - backwards. I kept checking to see your next update and sadly realized you had disappeared. I must admit to having had a bittersweet giggle while reading your post about the disorganized piles of paper as I have been going through something similar for over a year clearing out 56 years of stuff with my parents home. I am so sorry for all your losses and I can only imagine how emotionally and physically drained you must feel. But I am glad to see you back. Retain your humour - it will save you.

Mysti said...

Em! I have checked your place everyday and was so thrilled to see you are back. It will get better. It has too and I look forward to seeing you more regularly. Gigantic Hugs!

citizen of the world said...

Aw, Em, I'm so sorry. That's just too much to bear. Take your time, grieve, heal.

Winston said...

Having been through that over the last 5 years with my Mom's "stuff", I can totally empathize. It is good to see you beginning to come back to the fold. Somewhere along the way, after all is settled back down at work and on the homefront, try to find a way to take time for yourself and your wife, even if just a weekend at a nice hotel across town.

Jazz said...

Welcome back Em. So sorry for yet another loss.

Having your sporadically is better than not at all.

Jocelyn said...

Oh, you've had a time of it. I've been there. It's exhausting, on every front.

Hang in there.

Thomas said...

Welcome back, but damn.
Looks like my luck is rubbing off on you.

Sincerely hope that things start looking up real soon

TV

wisdomstuff said...

Sorry I missed this post and to hear about all the goings on in your life that were most unpleasant, to say the least. Hopefully you have worked through them and are able to move forward. It's amazing what we can do when we have to prove it to ourselves. (((HUG)))

Jenster said...

I'm so glad you're back because you have definitely been missed. I'm also glad things are starting to look up a bit. I can't imagine how hard these past several months have been for you. I'm emotionally exhausted just from reading this post.

Good thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

Melody said...

So sorry to read all this Em but oh it is nice to see you are back blogging!!